


32. lost in a maze

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [201]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9365708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: x.“Helenano—” Sarah says, but she’s already too late.





	

x.

“Helena _no_ —” Sarah says, but she’s already too late.

xi.

Sarah leaps up the flight of stairs and she’s running, running for the door. She can hear the stumble-drag of Rachel’s footsteps but Rachel is never fast enough to get to the door first, if Sarah can just get to the door first they’re sometimes fine, sometimes they make it deep into the woods if Sarah fumbles with the doorknob and—

Helena opens the door. “Hello, _sestra_ ,” she says. God, god, Sarah always forgets that she gave birth. Sarah’s been on this shitty island, and Helena gave birth. She stops and stares at Helena for a second: the glow in her face, the easy way she moves.

She can’t spare a goddamn second. She forgets sometimes.

Helena’s eyes go wide. She shoves Sarah to the side, and

i.

Rachel doesn’t notice that Sarah’s wedged the smallest sliver of wood between Westmorland’s door and the wall; Sarah waits until her footsteps have vanished, and then she slowly makes her way to the stairs. Her heart is pounding in her chest so hard she’s surprised it isn’t pushing at her skin – she should be able to see it beating. But she can’t.

She can hear Rachel walking around upstairs – but she isn’t walking to the stairs. She’s walking another direction.

“Well,” says Rachel’s voice. “I have to say, I’ve been looking forward to this.”

Gunshot.

ii.

Sarah is back at the bottom of the stairs. She blinks. Upstairs she can hear the sound of Rachel walking, but not towards the stairs. The front door opens.

“Well,” says Rachel’s voice, and Sarah realizes what’s happening just as the gun goes off.

vi.

Helena doesn’t run as fast as Sarah. Helena can’t understand why they aren’t staying behind – or at least she keeps saying so, _let me kill her, let me kill her_. Sarah ignores her. They are running running running through the woods.

“No,” she says, the latest time Helena begs her. “No, listen to me, you’re my _sister_ , I have to keep you safe. Alright? I’m not losing you.”

Helena stares at her, eyes wide. “Okay, Sarah,” she says.

They keep moving. Evening turns to dusk turns to night, cold and black. Sarah’s leg aches as they make camp. Helena keeps looking at her – it’s suspicious, really, how often Helena is looking at her. But Sarah won’t realize that until later.

When she falls asleep, Helena is there. When she wakes up,

ix.

Sarah punches Rachel in the face. It’s very satisfying.

The gun goes off.

xv.

“Listen to me,” Sarah says as they keep trudging forward through the woods. “ _Listen_. You _can’t_ go back there. If you go back there she is going to _bloody kill you!_ Can’t you just – _listen_ to me! For _once!_ ”

Helena gives her a surly look and doesn’t say anything. Sarah screams, low in her throat, punches a tree. Hurts like hell; she hears her hand crack.

“You keep trying this heroic _shit_ ,” Sarah growls – tries to growl, that is. It comes out more of a whine. Her _hand_. “Helena, I am – I am _begging_ you to not go back there. You don’t have to prove anything! It’s not your bloody _purpose_ or whatever the hell it is that’s going on in that weird head of yours! You’re fine. I’m fine. Your kids need you. Let’s just – _go_ , Helena.” Her voice is teary. Her hand is bleeding. Everything is so cold. She says it again, more quietly. “Let’s just go.”

“I want it to be over,” Helena says, voice pleading. “She will hurt you, and she will hurt me, and she will hurt my babies, and I can kill her. Sarah, I can stop us all from hurting. I can make it easy.”

“No,” Sarah says quietly.

The set of Helena’s jaw goes mutinous. Sarah wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, but she isn’t actually an idiot. She clenches one of her fists. The other one just dangles, limp, by her side. Why not break her own bones? Helena’s going to ruin the both of them anyways. What the hell does any of this matter?

“I love you,” she says, “you piece of shit. You stink and you still can’t speak English and you eat too much and your hair looks like _shite_ and you are my _bloody sister_ and I love you. We’re going home.” She turns on her heel and keeps walking through the woods.

There’s a moment of silence. Then Helena’s footsteps follow her.

v.

Helena bleeding out on the edge of the woods and she’s pulling weakly against Sarah, trying to make it back to the house. Maybe Sarah should let her go. Maybe that’s the rule of the game: everything will stop resetting, if Rachel finally dies.

This could be true. Sarah keeps holding Helena anyways.

“Sarah,” Helena says; she’s given up tugging, is slumped there with a terrible passivity. Her eyes are full of reflected stars, false dead light.

“Hey, meathead,” Sarah says. “Why’d you come all the way out here, huh?” She’s murmuring nonsense and petting Helena’s hair out of her face with a frantic obsessiveness. She did that for Kira, a while back, when Kira had a fever. She shook just like this. Sarah shook, Kira shook, Helena shook.

“I had to come back for you,” Helena says solemnly. “Always.”

“Don’t,” Sarah whispers. “You had the right idea back in the bloody desert. Just leave me behind, yeah?”

Helena shakes her head quietly. Her neck slumps. Her eyes are still open, but who knows how long that’ll last.

“I get it,” Sarah tells her. “Figured it out. Why it keeps happening.”

Helena doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll come back for you,” Sarah says, smiling. It’s a terrible smile; it is just the corner of her mouth, but it hurts. “Next time. Promise.”

Helena doesn’t answer.

vi.

Sarah is back at the bottom of the stairs. She grabs on tight to the banister and hauls herself upwards, fast as she can, every single piece of her yearning for the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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